that's what i was trying to politely get it, thanks for saying the quiet part out loud
The RM AITA thread...
- Thread starter JohnE
- Start date
We even have contests about who the bigger asshole is.
Not sure how big an asshole I am but I do have a platinum bitch card!
ETA: I don't necessarily abide by printed expiration dates either.
TreeSaw, You deserve a 'not an asshole' award for putting up with our collective immature, preening nonsense!
By chance, did you have older brothers?
By chance, did you have older brothers?
LOL! Nope....I am the oldest of 5 (2 brothers and twin sisters). But I am a MS/HS teacher so that explains a lot.TreeSaw, You deserve a 'not an asshole' award for putting up with our collective immature, preening nonsense!
By chance, did you have older brothers?
That is WAY more of accurate scenario!
Time for my AITA question:
Kid 3 has been sick since Sunday thus not in preschool. In my job if I call in sick someone else who would be off has to be on that day and cover my spot. In my wife’s job if she calls in sick no one is pulled to cover her.
Sunday: I worked a full day moonlighting from home.
Monday: she went to work, which is 9:15-2:15 I think. I both shifted my schedule to work a full day from home and tended to the sick kid. Also did 4 hours moonlighting that evening.
Tuesday: she stayed home with kid. I worked a full day in person at the hospital.
Wednesday: shifted my schedule in the morning so that my wife could attend a spelling bee at the elder kids’ school basically all morning. Drove in at 1 and finished my full workday at the hospital.
Wednesday night: wife deems that her taking Thursday off is unfair to her. Was planning on skiing Thursday—plans on calendar for weeks, to go up with several friends. Plans made to meet at their house and carpool, etc.
so AITA for not being pleased with this? I feel I’ve put in a equitable amount of parental effort to deal with the kid, and again I didn’t call in sick outright so as to not put the burden on my co-workers, but instead did double duty.
Kid 3 has been sick since Sunday thus not in preschool. In my job if I call in sick someone else who would be off has to be on that day and cover my spot. In my wife’s job if she calls in sick no one is pulled to cover her.
Sunday: I worked a full day moonlighting from home.
Monday: she went to work, which is 9:15-2:15 I think. I both shifted my schedule to work a full day from home and tended to the sick kid. Also did 4 hours moonlighting that evening.
Tuesday: she stayed home with kid. I worked a full day in person at the hospital.
Wednesday: shifted my schedule in the morning so that my wife could attend a spelling bee at the elder kids’ school basically all morning. Drove in at 1 and finished my full workday at the hospital.
Wednesday night: wife deems that her taking Thursday off is unfair to her. Was planning on skiing Thursday—plans on calendar for weeks, to go up with several friends. Plans made to meet at their house and carpool, etc.
so AITA for not being pleased with this? I feel I’ve put in a equitable amount of parental effort to deal with the kid, and again I didn’t call in sick outright so as to not put the burden on my co-workers, but instead did double duty.
have a third kid they said.......
Needs a third househave a third kid they said.......
Mrs toshi needs to work as they are still paying off house #2
IMO
You can be as displeased as you want. When kids get sick, fun is the first thing to get cut. I think unless it's like the epic ski trip that you're flying to whatever for, you gotta swap around to make sure kids come first and work comes second....though then you get a trump card to use next time you want to go slam dance and she was hoping for bingo
omg only one house is paid off? peasants
This guy dads
Her work is basically just for her own amusement. We literally get $0 for it to help with monthly bills: she doesn’t make enough over the school months to max out her 403(b) so it all goes to that. And her doing it necessitates Aya being in preschool full time.
So I’m basically paying for her to do this at baseline, in addition to paying for her student loans for her masters degree that she does exactly fuck all with.
I mean, is it super unreasonable to expect her to be a bit more flexible given all this? I’m genuinely not sure if I am the asshole in this situation.Oh, my... you guys should sort this out. Simmering resentment is bad, mmkay?
I am no relationship expert but no matter the realities if you prioritize your needs over your partners you will get to prove that with alimony checks. Logical points do not apply in emotional discussions.
Y U no urban dictionary?Is this some sort of sexual reference??
FTFY
Imma gonna translate what you said to what will be heard
"I do not value what you do"
*not trying to be funny or snarky by any means. If this is how you really feel, reconsider and for fucks sake, do not say out loud.
This is clearly some sort of sexual shenanigans reference.
DENNIS: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
TOSHI: Well, I am a doctor!
DENNIS: Oh, doctor, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do?
I see your point. But I clearly value it in that I pay all these bills and work my own schedule around the constraints imposed by her job. I feel like I’m bending over backwards already, both in general and this week in particular.
I don't know your wife but this job may be her way of feeling like she is supporting the family while you have always been footing the bill, even if it is insignificant.
thats marriage for a man, basically.
she carried 3 humans inside for 2.5 years... you can miss a day of skiing and not tell her what you wrote here.
perseption is reality. never tell the wife what she does for work is insignificant. even when financially it might be.
Maybe.
More context on the job business for you popcorn poppers: she did consider a few full time (music) teaching jobs within Denver Public Schools, but rejected them for being too far of a drive, not the ideal hours, etc.
This part time job of hers is at the elder kids’ school and is a subset of the actual school hours (which is an artifact of these paras, as her position is called, being paid from limited PTA funds iirc). She likes what she does—she is trained as a teacher, after all—and there’s value in that. The truth is that these positions are basically filled by housewives who don’t need to work, though, as far as I can tell, since they wouldn’t be liveable positions even at a single person’s marginal rate.
I mean, did you guys discuss this as an overall strategy?
I think you're the asshole if you've agreed that each of you gets to have a job, but you have unilaterally decided that her job is less important. The fact that you don't value her job as a money-generator doesn't mean it has no value. You're treating her job like it's an optional hobby, but that doesn't mean it's the way she sees it.
Playing the, "my job pays the bills" trump card is a short road to an unhappy spouse. Cancel your trip, deal with this particular sick kid, and then later on you guys should discuss how you want to handle these situations going forward. It's okay to say that you find it challenging to call out of work and think it might be easier for her, but this job may provide her with a sense of self, of accomplishment, of contributing to the household. Those things matter, too.
bv, did you see my post just above your reply? She rejected normal full time teaching jobs. Would I cancel a ski day for her not to call in sick as a regular teacher? Of course!
When she took this current para job I did complain that it seemed this would create all sorts of schedule constraints in exchange for not being much (not just the money aspect but in the sense of not being something she got her degrees for, too). And it seems like I was right.
When she took this current para job I did complain that it seemed this would create all sorts of schedule constraints in exchange for not being much (not just the money aspect but in the sense of not being something she got her degrees for, too). And it seems like I was right.
perhaps you should be less concerned about being right and more about being a supportive partner and parent.
I also take issue with this characterization. That’s why I laid out the week’s timeline leading to today. I feel like I did an equal amount of accommodation for the kid being sick. (And of course making sure she’s taken care of by one of us is the top priority.) it’s not like she was the only one changing her routine this week to this point with me just running roughshod over her because I’m a doctor.